Also, there is a pajama hash today. Starting from the Rathskeller in the UW Memorial Union around 3. Put on your pj’s and get ready to bolt through a blizzard.

We will be starting at the Frank Lloyd Wright Lamp House (22 North Butler Street) between 3:30 and 4:30.  The house will be open around noon for pre-hash drinks, but the hobos have to stay in the yard.

This run will be relatively short but sweet (2-4 miles, 2-4 beer checks). A prize will be given to the homeless hasher that collects the most spare change on trail.  Another prize will be given to the hasher that finds the most monopoly money on trail.

Hare: Fondling Father & ___?

There will also be a super awesome party at the Frank Lloyd Wright House that evening.  Consider it the On On On.

On On,

F.F.

Hashers!  Depending on when you read this, it’s probably almost that time again!

Saturday, October 17th:  The Outsiders Hash Clash!

Context: 3:30 PM, leaving from the Frank Lloyd Wright Lamp House gardens ( 22 North Butler Street )

You remember the Outsiders, right? Written by S.E. Hinton, and made into the best movie ever with the likes of Emelio Estevez and Patrick Swayze! This is sort of like a tribute run (one for my homies!), but it’s also a clash between the Greasers and the Socs.  Grab your switch blades, leather and/or denim, or tie a sweater around your neck.

We will be starting at the Frank Lloyd Wright Lamp House, 22 North Butler Street.

Start: 3:30 pm

On On!

- F.F.

There are a million things that could be written about this particular run.  I’ll touch on a few here.

First off, stats:

Trail: ~3 miles.

Hashers: 18-25 (some were lost, some were added)

Beer Checks: 4

Hash Cash Collected: 20 bucks

Now, how about a little narrative?

The hash began in Vilas Park, next to a playground (see pictures) and a basketball court.  Everyone sat around for about two hours looking like complete jackasses while waiting for more hashers to show up.  Every hasher in attendance was wearing a red dress, with the exception of one: a red teletubby.  Where the teletubby suit came from is beyond me; but it was amusing to watch the hasher approach a family of 5 (with small children) and cause them to abandon their picnic and leave within 20 seconds of the encounter.  What he said to them is unknown, and also beyond me.  I think the father figure had some serious homophobia and problems with drunken teletubbies and grown men in red dresses (and makeup).

After that business we made like a bunch of fetuses and headed out.  The trail led through a playground with one hell of a slide, over a bridge, over a second bridge, and to a beer check that required wading through a dirty pond to pry a 30 pack of PBR away from a bee’s nest underneath the bridge.  Nice.

Then we ran through the zoo.  We saw flamingos, seals, a lion den without lions, some other animals, and I think those who took the false trail in the center of the zoo may have seen the Capibara, and possibly the reptile house. I’m not sure; I’m not a zoo scientist.

Most memorable hasher quote from the zoo: “Hey kids! Stay in school!”

Then we ran from the zoo through a family friendly picnic area, through the woods, up a steep hill, and onto “Bear Mound Park”.  This was a nice, neighborhood park with some sacred mounds that were very important to Native Americans, and provided a nice spot for a beer check.  We drank. We ran.

From the Bear Mounds we entered the danger zone: anywhere within a mile of the stadium.  You see, there was an early Badger football game that day, so everyone in the City of Madison had been drinking for quite a bit, and the tailgates were ripe for some red dress running.

I’ll skip all the details from there until the end. Some ridiculous shit happened.

The final “Beer Near” was marked about 300 feet short of the actual beer. We were right across the street from the stadium, and it was too crowded with drunk people to place the beer check within eyesight; I had to hide it in the bushes.  This proved to be a good decision as the lady hashers who ran ahead of the last beer check (which consisted of O’Douls Non-Alcoholic Beer) to get the first final beers were unaware of the beer placement.  What happened next really made the hash a success.

One drunken red dresser saw a pile of blankets and a backpack near the BN.  Obviously the beer would be hidden underneath or within, right?  No, it was a bum.  Don’t grab a case of beer from underneath a blanket unless you’re sure it’s not a homeless man’s head.

We found the beer and the rest is history.  Afterward,we were asked to do some sort of dance or ballet for this nice cougar, but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen. I did get her number though! Boo Ya!

- On On!

This is a special occassion and a special trail. There will be more beer checks than normal and the trail might be shorter than normal.

The Red Thing Run will go down around 2:30 or 3:00 on Saturday, September 12th.

Start Location:Vilas Park, near the tennis courts and basketball court. This is on the northwest side of the park(look for people in Red Dresses)

Hares: Fondling Father & Puppy Cunter

View Larger Map

More details soon. On On!

The Rogue Hash was thoroughly debaucherous. It exceeded all previous Rogue Hash tomfoolery.  37 hashers gathered on the waterfront at the UW Terrace, and pitchers were downed.  Regarding “costume”, there was little to suggest that this was a 1920s hash. Instead, the mob would better be described as “shit show”.  We had short shorts, rainbow suspenders, tu-tus,  pajamas, and a full-body psychedelic bear suit. Here is what happened:

1. A little girl, no more than 8 years old, stared at the giant mass of idiocy for about a minute, and then… broke down and started crying. I almost did so myself; are we such awful humans?

2. It is announced that there will be two prizes at the end of the hash. There would be a competition to see which hashers can pick up the most ridiculous items on trail, and carry it with them.  At the end there would be an auction, and the items that had the highest bid would wind! Yay!

3. Group stretch = Indecent exposure.

4.  More false trails than you can shake a stick at.

5. After the 1st beer check the herd follows trail up State Street. It was the “Maxwell Street Days” celebration of street vendors. State Street was packed; so was Paul’s Club.  Lots of people had questions for us, such as “What the fuck is going on?”  We unintentionally scared more little girls, along with their parents.

6. The third beer check was hoisted up in a tree. Upon retrieval, all that was found was a treasure map and six beers. There were 37 thirsty hashers at the check. Where’s that treasure!?  Hidden underneath the house of course.

7.  The pack runs in front of a pimped out SUV. The driver leans out the window to yell at the goup. “Damn Hippies!”

8. A jaunt through James Madison Park provides some very special pieces of hashit for the auction. Here’s what happened.

The Auction: Here’s what happened.

The great circle forms, and all items are placed in the center.  A systematic bidding process ensues. Here’s what happened:

1st item up was a glass window with a toilent plunger stuck onto the center of it (using beer for purposes of stickiness). The hasher recieved some bonus points as he had run with it against his waist most of the way. The toilet dildo. The highest bid was 18 ice cream scoops.

2nd item up was a nice, comfy red chair with hairballs all over it. The chair recieved 24 ice cream scoops.The hasher who carried the chair recieved bonus points for getting the damn thing off the ground.

3rd item up was an Obama campaign sticker, except that Obama’s face had been replaced with some rapper’s. It said something funny on it but I can’t remember due to events that transpired later that night. In fact, it was so funny that it recieved 33 ice cream scoops.

The Obama sticker won the auction, or so it seemed. There were still three hashers missing. The first prize was a Jonas Brothers c.d.  The runner up (the chair) earned a High School Musical 2 c.d.  Woohoo!

And then the missing hashers showed up. Here’s what happened:

They were carrying an unbeleivable amount of Hashit.  It was all piled into a laundry basket and the frame of a bucket chair. Some of the better items included a plastic cup with dog poop in it, an entire rolled up construction fence, a beautiful orange construction cone, and a plastic pretzel container with a dead fish inside.  They took the cake.

…and then there was the party. Quite possibly the best party that has ever been thrown. Ever. I won’t go into details, but at some point in the night, after six noise complaints, an angry neighbor had a breakdown and launched fireworks at the house/party.

Next Hash will be sometime mid-late August. We’ll see what happens.

On On! – F.F.

Starting Location: UW Union Terrace

Time: Between 2:00 and 3:00 pm.

There will also be  a party of the same theme that evening at the Frank Lloyd Wright House, 22 North Butler Street. On On!

- Fondling Father

- The pack (astonishingly) loses trail  running down the stairwell from Monona Terrace to the bike path.  The 4th floor parking garage had some white paint on it or something.

- A fearless jaunt through the dog park by John Nolen, followed by a treacherous climb up a secret, dilapidated staircase that was discovered by the hare 2 hours prior.

- A unanimous decision to storm the  Echo Tap (see photo) and an (in)appropriate dance-off to the Village People’s “In the Navy” courtesy of the jukebox.

- Beer provided to confused fishermen at the final checkpoint (on the railroad track bridge over Monona Bay).

Next Hash:  Saturday, July 18th

We’d like to get going between 2:30 and 3:00, but pre-hash shenanigans will be starting pretty early (Mimosa breakfast?).

On-On!
Fondling Father

We’ll be starting around 3:00 pm.  Bring your mom and some noisemakers; it might be difficult to make a scene with so much other nonsense going on.

Starting location (and the trail, beer checks, etc…) are undetermined.  Stay tuned for more information.

On On, Fondling Father